56 Unconventional Dating Truths

1. Dating is a game that you play with somebody, not against somebody.
2. Men want relationships.
3. Loneliness means you are lacking fulfilling connection, not a boyfriend.
4. If you try to maintain a chase, what happens when they get you?
5. When a man is chasing you he’s falling for the idea of you instead of you.
6. If you want a casual relationship treat it casually.
7. If you want a serious relationship treat it thoughtfully.
8. Focus 80 percent on fun and playfulness and about 20 percent on depth when you’re on a date.
9. Dating you is only 1 percent of what’s possible. Exclusivity unlocks the other 99 percent.
10. Don’t ask them where they see this going or what they’re looking for. Share what you want and then ask them if they want it as well.
11. Exclusivity is just a baby step.
12. Ask someone to be exclusive because you love the way they show up, not because you want to improve the way they show up. 
13. Your checklist will change over the years but the five elements of relationship material won’t.
14. Your past ten dates have nothing to do with each other, and they have nothing to do with the next date.
15. Online dating is one of the greatest inventions of mankind. 
16. Your dating anxiety makes perfect sense. 
17. It’s ok to fuck shit up in dating. You don’t have to be so careful with yourself. You can take a tumble.
18. If you live a full life and are present in that life, you will create the perfect amount of space in your dating connection.
19. You don’t have to change your beliefs. You need to focus on the 1 percent of you that already believes and allow that to expand.
20. There are no dating rules but there are dating probabilities. 
21. People are not a waste of time, ever.
22. Most people don’t go from good to great. They go from good to terrible to great. You have to temporarily choose terribleness while remaining faithful that you will reach greatness.
23. Confidence is an emotion. You will not feel confident all the time.
24. It’s good to care and be invested starting after date number one. When people don’t allow themselves to care, they also don’t allow a real connection to develop.
25. There are 100 compatible men in your city.
26. Action plus reflection equals results. Either one of those on their own does not count as a commitment toward your goal.
27. Dating turbulence allows you to build deeper trust in your connection. 
28. There’s room for humanness in dating, more than you know.
29. Don’t take feedback from people who have the worst opinion of you. Take feedback from people who see the best in you now and in your potential future. 
30. Don’t push connections forward. If you feel yourself pushing let it go entirely.
31. You can’t make a connection grow. Connections grow on their own the same way plants grow on their own.
32. If you feel alone in a relationship, leave.
33. Something is never better than nothing. When you get 10 percent you also get the 90 percent vacancy that you feel all the time. When you choose 0 percent you get to be 100 percent with yourself.
34. Tell the truth no matter the consequences.
35. Men struggle in dating just as women do.
36. If you want to be a great conversationalist ask questions, elaborate, take time and space, act like you’ve got nowhere else to be.
37. Fifty percent of men are attractive.
38. Your goal is 100 percent in your control. Not 50 percent. If you believe it’s 50 percent, it’s a coin toss. Therefore if you believe you’re 50 percent in control, it’s like believing you’re zero percent in control.
39. If you want to meet men in person make sure that you talk to them.
40. I don’t think life is a simulation but I like to pretend that it is. I imagine everything, even the dirt on the road, was created for me to experience. It makes me love everything more.
41. Everybody’s funny once you get to know them. 
42. Casual relationships create more needs than they resolve.
43. The choice is not between the too-nice guy and the 10 percent guy. It’s between those guys and holding out for a sweet spot guy.
44. You get to choose the story you tell yourself about others and about your dating experiences.
45. Singleness is a season of life with a purpose. This is the time to lay the foundation for the next season.
46. Someone wants what you want as much as you want it. 
47. Sometimes you just make a bad hire. You couldn’t have known at the time. You had to see it through. Let them go and try it again.
48. If you’re not sure, keep exploring and developing the connection until you know.
49. You’re not too masculine. Thinking that and telling yourself that makes you feel masculine.
50. If your feelings are so weird then why are there so many songs about them?
51. You’re not your past. You’re just sitting here.
52. Instead of trying to avoid flaky guys while dating, try to find 20 flaky guys. When we avoid what we’re scared of, we are less likely to find what we actually want.
53. It takes 20 invitations to be in someone’s top five people. People tend to only be able to focus on a small group of people at a time that they think of to invite to things. If you want to make friends as an adult, be the planner and it will come back to you 20 invitations later.
54. Connecting with someone should feel like a beer after a hike. It hits the spot but you wouldn’t die without it. It shouldn’t feel like a drop of water after being left in a desert for days.
55. People like you.
56. Dates are entry level positions. Relationships are not.

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This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.