It's Never Perfect, and That's Okay

Often in dating, we have a perfectionistic idea about what it's supposed to be like when we finally meet our person.

We create these fantasies  where we meet them and there is an instant connection with great chemistry. Then, one thing leads to another and we end up in an perfect relationship.

This is an issue because when we meet somebody that we have amazing potential with but things aren’t totally perfect, we start to wonder if we are with the right person.

We start to sabotage the connection that we're in because we're comparing it to some sort of ideal.

If you’re experiencing this, the first thing I want you to consider is the five elements: friendship connection, physical chemistry, growth mindedness, respect, and similar vision and values.

For each of the five elements, you tune in to see is it an A+, is it just passing, or is it completely failing?

A lot of people get tripped up by thinking that each of the elements needs to be an A+, but in most connections, not everything is an A+ right from the beginning.

Often you’ll need to work on an element and build it to be really amazing.

Secondly, none of my clients who have gone from dating to exclusive just knew from date one, and all of them had something they needed to iron out in the connection.

Many of us have been spoiled by experiencing instant physical chemistry and compatibility with someone at some point, and then that becomes our expectation.

But it's really natural for many couples to have to learn what the other person likes and to get on the same wavelength.

For example, one of my former client’s only hesitancy was that her date didn't ask her as many questions as she would like, and it felt like she was driving the conversation a little bit.

She communicated this to him, and he started being more reciprocal in his curiosity. They became exclusive and now they're still happily together.

Many of the women that I've coached who then created relationships weren't sure about the person from the very beginning. They were still putting together the pieces of the puzzle as they were getting to know them.

If you're in a place of not knowing because you don't have that instant perfect fairytale story, ask yourself whether there is something more to explore.

If there is, go on another date and just take things one step at a time.

Think about how you can communicate about anything that might be feeling imperfect.

Lastly, when you talk to other happy couples and you ask them to share their story of how they found each other, they have a tendency to reflect on their past with their partner in a positive light.

That's a good thing.

When you're happy in a relationship, that's what your brain automatically does.

But that also means you need to be aware of that bias when you're talking to other people because otherwise it creates an unrealistic expectation.

Remember that it’s not the full picture of how couples actually get together.

There's always some imperfection. There are always things that they need to iron out, and there's always dating turbulence, no matter how great the relationship is.

Even with the right person, it's not always perfect, and that doesn't mean that anything has gone wrong.