Do You Like Who You Are Being?

We can’t control how other people choose to show up or how they view us, but we can choose to date people based on who we are able to be around them.

That's why I like asking the question, do you like who you are being in your connection?

In one way, this question guides you toward practicing embodying the traits of the woman that you want to be.

If you think about the future version of yourself who has created the relationship that you want, what are her qualities?

What does she think about herself?

What does she think about men?

And how can you bring more of that woman into your experience of dating today?

When you like who you are being in dating, it doesn’t really matter how the other person shows up.

When I asked somebody to be exclusive and they didn’t say yes, I was able to walk away from that situation.

I have no regrets about asking. I was so glad that I spoke up for myself and asked for what I needed, even though it was uncomfortable.

It didn’t go the way that I wanted it to, but I walked away being a person who owned her value and owned what she wanted and needed.

The alternative, when we are not being the woman we want to be, is going along with something that doesn’t feel right for weeks on end, settling for something that isn’t what you want, and not speaking up.

Although that may have been less uncomfortable initially, it would’ve lead to the long-term discomfort of regret, and not being the best version of myself,

The second way to think about the question is, with the people that you date, do you feel like you are able to be the version of yourself that you most enjoy?

Do you feel like your playful, funny, lighthearted side is able to come out with the person that you’re dating?

In some connections, no matter how hard we try, we’re not able to be our best selves just because the connection isn’t right.

It can be a compatibility issue, or he’s a 40% guy, or you just always feel on edge.

If you spend a long period of time with somebody being a version of yourself that you don’t like or enjoy, that starts to cloud your judgment around how awesome you are.

So after your next date, ask yourself, do you like who you are being in this connection?

And if not, how come?

Is it because you’re not taking action in some way, or you’re holding back in some way?

Or is it more about the connection? Do you feel shut down in some way so you can’t be 100% yourself with that person?

You’ll either have to make an adjustment on your end and change the way that you’re showing up to be more aligned with who you want to be, or make an adjustment by ending a connection where you don’t feel like you can be the version of yourself that you love the most.