Is This One Thing Standing In The Way Of Creating An Exclusive Relationship?

What if the only thing standing between you and your goal of creating an exclusive relationship was consistency?

Consistency is one of the key factors for determining your chance of going from dating to exclusive with a wonderful person within a year.

There are some obvious ways inconsistency shows up.

It could be by taking unintentional breaks, or by only going on a date every once in a while because you don’t yet have strategies to create one date per week.

Inconsistency also looks like downloading and then deleting the apps, or downloading the apps but not being active on them.

It can also look like going back to the 40 percent guy when a new connection doesn’t work out.

Sometimes when we are doing all these things, it can still feel like we are being consistent.

We might be thinking about dating a lot, but thinking about it consistently is not the same as staying the course until you create the relationship that you want.

Being consistent doesn’t mean everything works out exactly as you planned in the time frame that you wanted it to work out.

It means you get mixed results from date to date, week to week, month to month.

When we are consistent the plan stays the same no matter what the results of this week’s date were.

Consistency also means taking intentional breaks when you need them. You do your mindset work and spend a lot of time and energy refilling yourself.

Inconsistency is a symptom of specific challenges or obstacles. The first is low belief.

The core beliefs you need to adopt are “men want relationships,” “…specifically with me because I’m awesome,” and “relationships are amazing.”

When any of those beliefs are lacking it becomes very difficult to be consistent in dating.

It’s hard to be consistent when you’re looking for a relationship but your predominant belief is that men don’t want relationships, or you believe maybe they do but no one will want one with you because you have this specific flaw.

Or you think maybe men do want relationships with you because they haven’t realized how difficult relationships are, and they just worse and worse down the road.

If you have any of those negative thoughts running in your mind, it’s going to be difficult to stay very consistent in the process until you meet your person.

The next challenge is low resiliency.

That means when we do experience a setback or a challenge in dating, we take a lot of time to recover.

It is the result of not having a specific care-taking method for those challenging moments.

If you only rely on time to heal yourself in dating, you will likely become less and less resilient.

The third obstacle is making dating a low priority.

Maybe you don’t feel that dating is an investment in the kind of future that you want.

Sometimes we don’t make dating a priority because it can feel uncomfortable to acknowledge how much we want a relationship when we don’t have it yet.

It’s really important to not resolve that discomfort by only prioritizing other goals that feel more accessible right now in this moment.

We are thinking about our life ten years from now and the experience we want to have then.

When we zoom out, we have more resiliency because everything is put into perspective, and it gives stronger beliefs because it’s easier to envision that ten years from now, it’s done. I will have figured it out.

If I stay consistent for ten years, I will create that relationship a lot sooner.

You can rely on that bigger vision to see believe in yourself and your ability to create that relationship.

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This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.