Relief, Confusion, and Hope In Dating

When we are dating, there are some common emotions that can lead us to making decisions that aren't in service to the kind of connection that we want to create.

These emotions might even feel good in a way, but we should pay attention to them because they are a sign that something isn't quite right.

The first is relief.

If somebody isn’t showing up fully or consistently, it might feel like the most extraordinary thing ever when you finally get to spend time with them.

The relief feels good, but part of the reason why it feels that way is because you felt so deprived earlier on.

We want it to feel like you went on a long hike, and then got to sit down and drink a cold beer afterwards. It really hits the spot and it’s the perfect thing in that moment.

It's so good, and it's even better because you were thirsty from the hike.

But you don’t feel like you needed it to survive.

Another emotion that can be tricky is confusion.

When somebody is giving us really mixed signals, sometimes our emotional reaction can be confusion.

At first that's natural and normal, but when we stick with that confused feeling for a really long time it’s because we aren’t acknowledging that mixed signals are not what we want.

We might choose to be confused because acknowledging the reality of the connection can feel more painful. 

In the right connection, you'll feel a variety of emotions, but you won't feel confused the majority of the time. It will be clear that you’re both showing up fully and consistently.

The third emotion to pay attention to Is hope.

Hope can feel really good because we're thinking about something potentially being better in the future than what it is right now.

If you're hoping a large portion of the time that a person will change or show up differently, that can mean you should pay attention to the reality of how the connection is feeling right now.

It's important to acknowledge these different kinds of emotions because they can make us go along with the wrong connection for a long period of time.

Feeling confusion, hope, or that intense relief when we spend time with somebody are actually internal signals that something in the connection doesn’t feel right.